Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Who knew a year ago when he and I sat in the park in Hoboken
sharing secrets that we would a year later be sitting in a restaurant in Jersey
City still caught in the same web of deception, how our lives have become
entwined, not because of what either of us did to each other, but what has been
done to us, spun around us, and slowing forcing us together – like or not.
Good guys don’t always finish last, but foolish good guys
do, especially when bad people convince us we are better than we are or can
have more than we have a right to expect or are somehow special when no one is
as special as fantasy makes us seem.
It is always the same routine on the telephone, how someone
really digs us, and how much we can teach them, or how really great we could be
if only… well, if only something, I always forget what comes after that.
And a year later, the only thing special about either of us
is how empty we feel, used up, but not of any less use.
I find villains the more fascinating characters in films I
watch and so playing the role of one over the last year has been no problem,
even though deep down I’m more a flawed hero, one who stands up for righteousness
when all else gives into the temptation and seduction.
It doesn’t make me bleed any less, but it certainly makes me
feel like the loss of blood served some purpose higher than someone else’s
greed.
All good heroes – flawed or not – stand up against evil even
when they risk losing everything, not because they know they will win, but because
the world cannot afford to let bad guys win.
And sitting at that table, hearing the same old deception
being cast in new words, created by some web master no longer visible, from
whom we have no need to hide like we did last time.
After a year of people trying to lure me into ugly
situations, after learning that personal politics often bleeds into the larger
variety, and that people bent on getting what they want at any cost, I’ve
learned not to take things face value, but always question odd turns of phrase
or ill logic, or even subjective truth.
I learned no good cause can be served by a lie, and that
right and wrong might be relative, but they still exist, and that fair and
unfair show the quality of lack of in people who accept or reject them, and
that cheaters often win, but end up with nothing for their efforts – and that
some people are so bent on cheating, they don’t’ care.
But then, these were lessons I always knew and needed to be
reminded that down deep, where it counts most, I still stand for things like
truth, justice and fair play, and I’m willing to give up all I have to uphold
them – and that truth can’t be manufactured out of lies, and justice can’t be
served by deception, and the only really valuable people are those who play by
the rules – even if they don’t win.
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