Impeded perfection

June 18, 1982

Yes, I am hung up on perfection in a perfect soul and heart and fleeting feelings.

This has been a problem dating back to the early years of my life.

Perfection was drilled into me by clearly imperfect people, establishing a conflict I have yet to resolve.

I am not perfect, yet I expect others to be so.

Sometimes I fail to account for the effects of human emotions on reason, a barrage that affects even the staunchest of intellectuals, flipping reason on its head, prevent any accurate prediction.

Worse still, I do not see other people seeking perfection for themselves, and I get irritated when they seem to settle for mere comfort.

And so the search for perfection seems impeded by two obstacles: emotional disturbance and status quo.

Many people think it is safer to stay where they are than risk falling back.

And sometimes, I feel that way, too, although deep down, I hunger for something I can’t define, something beyond myself, something I might define as perfection, if I actually could ever figure out what perfection is.