November 9, 1982
The first you learn is that you never give it away.
You use power to get power; any expenditure for any other reason is a waste.
But we live in wasteland of waste, especially when it comes to rock & roll, politics or charismatic leaders.
The other lesson you need to learn that in most cases, if you destroy yourself you rarely rise again.
That’s why my being the sound man of this band makes no sense, cast in with a pack of over-30 outcasts that couldn’t make it in the music biz and so have finally learned to settle for drugs and sex.
Some drink to excess, clinging to their guitars as if crutches, somehow managing these nights to hit the right strings, and to give off the impression that they still have what it takes, superstars in a pond filled with pond scum, clinging to the rapidly evaporating sense of power they once had, settling for partners after hours they would not have looked at twice in those days when they had better choices.
And me, I sit behind the board, pushing buttons, raising and lowering it, trying to make them sound better than they deserve, one more big fish wishing I was some place else, doing something better, with a whole new cast of characters, yet not quite able to give up “the life,” or the status, even when we’re only impressing ourselves.