Layoff from Toys R Us (1980)

December 23, 1980

With one day more to work before Christmas, Jim – one the assistant managers at the Totowa Toys R Us – came over to us as we cleaned up after our shift to tell us we all will soon be laid off.

No, it wasn’t quite as direct as that.  He didn’t even want to say it, his contorted face going red as he blushed.

“Please, don’t hold it against me,” he pleaded.

But we already knew that our days were numbered and did not blame the man.

This was one of the few jobs I’d worked in my life where I had not problem with the bosses. For the most part, they were all great people – this in contrast to the Garfield Two Guys where I worked last Summer where all the bosses were assholes.

When I said as much, Jim tried to laugh; John and I did.

“Don’t worry, Chief,” John told Jim. “I just got fired from my day job, too. So now I can definitely collect unemployment.”

Jim looked moderately grateful, then glanced uncertainly at me.

“Don’t worry about me. I have a job starting after the first of the year,” I said. “So, don’t bother begging me to stay because I can’t. I know how much you want me to, and how you’re willing to beg the big bosses on my behalf. Don’t bother. I can’t.”

Jim stared at me for a long moment, knowing how willing I was to make stuff up, a regular storyteller, but perhaps this time I might even have been telling the truth.

Then he shook his head.

“You’re just a sick individual, Sullivan,” he said. “You’re testimony to just how willing we are to hire anybody during the Christmas season.”

We laughed; he laughed; then he walked away.

Several people were already gone, taking off early to be with their families or doing last minute Christmas shopping or even down with the bug – we not knowing which was which or who was whom.

But there was a sense of loss, as if working with these people for such a short time had left us saddled with unexpected nostalgia, wishing they had said goodbye or given us a parting Christmas card.

The season is dying and soon John would vanish, as would Debby, and the last holdouts would hold on until Friday when we all would pick up our last checks and go our separate ways.

Marcie seemed particularly sad as she strolled up from the game wall towards the wall where we all hung our coats. She wanted to say something, but didn’t, as if she couldn’t find words to express something, I could only guess she meant to say.

Many of the people laughed sadly, saying, “See you next year,” although we all know most of those we worked with would be somewhere else entirely by next year, and I felt much the same way I felt graduating school, knowing that I would never see many of these faces again, although somewhere in the back of my head, I would wonder what happened to them, if I managed even to remember them at all.

Marcie is the only one I’m sure I’ll see again since she’s the cousin of one of my best friends. But I also have a bit of trouble there since I have a girlfriend who I know I will also be parting from soon, and I’m attracted to Marcie and scared to tell her as much.

I keep thinking of when my girlfriend will take off for graduate school and I will be by myself again, if not immediately, then definitely by next Christmas.

Christmas season is a hard time for the broken-hearted, as Chris – the former girlfriend of Bob, the band’s bass player showed when I met her hear last week. She stumbled through these aisles like a zombie, looking but not seeing, her vacant gaze searching for something she’d never find in a toy store or any store for that matter. We spoke for a time, her bitterness reminding me of how I felt when I broken up with my ex-wife years ago and reminding me of how much pain I can expect to feel when I lose my current girlfriend.

Chris holds a grudge against Bob similar to the one I held against my ex-wife, and I cringe hoping I won’t hold the same grudge against my girlfriend when my time comes again. I like to think I’ve grown up a bit but know pain does terrible things to people, twisting them up inside so we can’t think straight.

While some people do blame Jim for the layoffs, we all saw it coming and so we shouldn’t be as bitter as we would have if it had come as a surprise.

When all the warnings are there, it’s not the other person’s fault, it’s our own.

So here we are, something coming to an end in our lives, and we spend this last night desperate to squeeze out the last drops, clinging to a job we didn’t particularly like or a romance we suspected might be just an interlude between other acts – whether we are Toys R Us friends or lovers, all things must pass.

My future is one of doubt. Although I jokingly told Jim I have job offer, it was just another yarn, and I know after the holiday I will be scrambling to find a way to pay my rent.

Christmas is near. I’ll try not to think about the future until it comes.